Texts From Last Night: DC Edition

H. Clinton: Dude, how drunk was I last night?
Emanuel: You went up to Medvedev and told him to take the training Putins off of his presidency.
H. Clinton: LOL! What’d he do?
Emanuel: He cried a little. It was awesome.

———–

B. Obama: I’ve got it: next Supreme Court Justice will be Beyonce. Imagine how great her ass would look in a judicial robe.
M. Obama: I think that text was meant for Biden. Also, we need to talk.

———–

Steele: Hey, are you going to the teabagging rally later?
Pawlenty: You know, I think it’s time you went online and looked up what that word really means.
Steele: What? Which word?
Steele: OMG. It all makes sense now!

———–

B. Clinton: Just scored some sweet weed. This time, I totally inhaled. Now my wife sounds like an evil Mickey Mouse.

———–

Kucinich: So between Levi Johnston and Scott Brown, I think there’s a serious trend toward posing nude.
Reid: Oh god, please don’t tell me you’re getting ideas.
Kucinich: Check out this week’s AARP newsletter.
Reid: WTF?!?! Now I know how you got such a hot wife.

———–

Bernanke: Hey, we’re playing Monopoly with real Wall Street banks. You want in?
Geithner: Nah, man, I’m taking it easy tonight.
Bernanke: We also have hookers.
Geithner: I’ll be there in five.

———–

J. McCain: …—… …—… …—… …—…
C. McCain: Dammit John, it’s texting. You can type words. Also, you’re fine.

———–

Palin: Just read through all of my old Twitter posts. I must have been drunk, because I have no idea what the hell I was talking about.