Talking Heads: Welcome Back!

Over the course of the summer, Talking Heads correspondents were busy traveling, saving the world and engaging in general badassery. Along the way, we got some fantastic chances to enjoy a cup of coffee, tea, or share a cigar or hookah with some colorful international characters. All of them had something to say, so for this issue of Talking Heads we’ve taken our favorite lines from a few of the interviews. The full interviews will be posted starting next week!

Getting face time with this noted individual was surprisingly difficult, as he was apparently busy with his newest fabrication. Of course, TH came through, and we are honored to present Mr. Glenn Beck.

TH: How you do, sir? What were you working on all summer?

Glenn Beck: You know my No Spin Zone. Well, I was busy building my No Spin Room in my gigantic mansion. I consider it my sanctuary away from secular progressivism and Barack Hussein bin Obama (heh, see what I did there? Aren’t I clever?).

TH: That sounds like a great summer project! And free from such poisons to American society such as rational thought.

GB: Of course, of course. And the best part was decorating the room. I was initially thinking red walls, you know, the Republican Party. But then I realized that it is also the color of COMMUNISM!

At this point his eyes flared and smoke started to come out of his orifices. TH was scared.

GB: Sorry about that. People have told me it’s because I care too much.

TH: …So how did you decide how to finish your No Spin Room?

GB: Well, I’ve never actually been on a college campus. High school was hard enough for me. But I heard about the sliding chalkboards they have, and that was that. Now I can just scribble nonsense fallacies revelations all day, even when I get home.

TH: Did you build this, er, shrine yourself?

GB: No, I outsourced, like a true capitalist should. The workers, most of them people of a certain persuasion definitely entirely unaffected by Arizona’s SB1070 bill, did a pretty good job. But I suspect they were socialist sympathizers since they didn’t speak our language well.

TH: Interesting. Let’s talk election politics, something I know you especially enjoy out of the many different fields you have extensive credentials in.

…Stay Tuned!

We next visited an old buddy of JFK, and the weather was fitting of a worker’s paradise too!

TH: Good afternoon Mr. Castro. Have you been feeling better?

Fidel Castro: Thank you. Well, because there are no greedy imperialist roaches in our country, I’ve been feeling better than ever…ugh…I’ve kept this up for 50 years…

The formerly proud leader looks off into the distance.

FC: Raul knows what’s up. There are big changes coming to Cuba.

TH: Yes, we’ve heard. Apparently thousands of Cuban public officials are losing their jobs because your brother has decided that their positions are redundant.

FC: It pains me to see such loyal citizens suffering so greatly under the yoke of capitalist sentiment… Er, sorry, it’s a bad habit.

TH: Well, you have always been very devoted to your ideological beliefs.

FC: But times have changed. With the fall of the Soviet Union went any chance of our survival on legitimately carrying forth the torch of Marx. Look at China nowadays!

TH: Agreed. Economic and political ascension at the cost of ideological purity…

FC: That could have been us! But anyway, I digress—Raul and I, we’ve had our differences, and still do. But maybe a few concessions here or there won’t kill us, and it’ll help the people’s economy.

TH: So you, father of the revolution, are alright with Raul opening up the Cuban economy to capitalist investors? To, dare I say it, to Americans?

FC: That’s not really my decision to make. I’ll always remain in the hearts and minds of the Cuban people, but I’m not to hold them back with old ideological restrictions that everyone has forgotten. It was a good attempt, much better than the greedy Washington regulars could do. But today, in 2010, I’d like to see Cubans off to a brighter future while still in a socialist framework.

TH: And yet the United States continue to maintain the decades-old embargo. What about that?

…Stay Tuned!

TH: Nice to meet you sir. Few have had the privilege.

Muammar Qaddafi: I trust your flight and arrival went well?

TH: Yes, except for the digital imperialist detector. Where did you even get that?

MQ: I made it myself. It stops any potential colonizers from stepping foot on our African soil.

TH: Naturally. You wouldn’t want anyone to come and interfere with the revolution.

MQ: Africa must stand together as one.

TH: What have you been busy with recently? Are you still making friends internationally with your famous four-hour UN rants speeches?

MQ: Obviously, I have been really quite preoccupied with preventing the west from slandering my name. I haven’t even done anything quite that irrational recently, other than the whole tent fiasco last year. I just wanted a piece of home in New York! Is it too much to pitch a gigantic multi-tent complex in the middle of a public park for a few days so that I won’t get homesick? I mean, being the leader of Libya of course I live in a tent. The Presidential Palace is obviously just for show.

TH: I can’t really agree with you, besides, isn’t getting attention your go-to move? Let’s discuss your thoughts on Al Megrahi’s coming home to Libya, convicted of being responsible for the 1988 Lockerbie bombing.

MQ: I still don’t know why we extradited him. That’s just another example of western domination.

…Stay Tuned!