Olympic Mania

The cameras are rolling, the snipers are on the rooftops, and the gymnastics teams have been stowed in the overhead compartments. It’s Olympics time!

Mitt Romney attended the opening ceremony as he kicked off a tour of foreign countries. The trip is intended to make him look presidential, but so far, he just looks like Mitt Romney. Within two days, an aide let slip a racist comment and Romney got owned by the prime minister.

In an interview with NBC News, Romney called London’s Olympic preparations “disconcerting,” which twisted the knickers of the British press: did Romney, CEO of the 2002 Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City, think he could do better? Prime Minister David Cameron coolly shot back, “it’s easier if you hold an Olympic Games in the middle of nowhere.” Cameron’s burn made the tabloids go apeshit, turning the non-story into headlines like “Mitt the Twit.”

Romney’s Olympic ties go beyond managing the 2002 Games. In Athens two years later, he won silver in the 100 meter tax-hurdles, and this year, he has another shot at glory: his wife’s horse, Rafalca, is competing in dressage (horse prancing). The Romney campaign is concerned that the sport makes the family look rich and out-of-touch, but worse, the horse is on the Cayman Islands team.

The opening ceremony will be broadcast at 7:30 ET on NBC, who would like to remind you that the Olympics are on NBC, Olympics on NBC Olympics on NBC. At the 2008 opening ceremony, China put on a spectacular show, intended to send the message: “China has arrived.” From the Brits, expect a message along the lines of: “It’s just a game.” Incidentally, the Chinese team nearly missed the opening ceremony as they rushed to finish sewing the other countries’ Olympic uniforms.

The US will be represented by athletes like Michael Phelps, whose official Olympic headshot is seen to the right. Though Phelps plans to retire after these Olympics, he looks to have a promising future as a serial killer.

Bonus joke!