What’s so Offensive about Self-Defense?
BY CANDICE LOVE
I am one of two female cousins in my large, overwhelmingly male family. Growing up without other girls to play with, I hung out with boys. I learned a lot from them, like how to do things even when I’m scared, and how to suck up my tears. But the most important thing I learned was how to defend myself.
I had a particular cousin who would constantly bully me physically and emotionally. He was bigger, stronger, and older, and I was defenseless. I could have told on him, but being scolded wouldn’t make him stop. For a long time, I would just take what was coming.
By the time I was nine, I was fed up. My cousin, then eleven, had slapped me across the face for God knows what, and without thinking, I balled up my fist and punched him square in his face. And when he held his face in his hands, probably more from shock than from pain, I hit him again. And again. Both he and another cousin who witnessed this were shocked by my retaliation. And after that day, my cousin and I, though we still played together, had a mutual respect for each other. The hitting stopped, and the name-calling was minimal, because I took control of my own situation, and showed that I could defend myself if he ever decided to pick on me again.
When Nia Sanchez won Miss America this summer, I was appalled at the backlash she received from women after she stated that self-defense is the best way to prevent sexual assault. Social media exploded with tweets from women who believed that she was “victim blaming,” because, as was frequently tweeted, “men could just not rape.” Women who ignore the importance of self-defense are doing very little for the victims of sexual assault. If we as women truly want to prevent and end sexual assault, we must be able to defend ourselves without having to rely on the protection or moral code of our peers, universities, and communities.
The problem is, however, that any shift of responsibility onto the victim somehow makes everyone believe the advocate is blaming the victim. It should go without saying that the victim is never at fault in these cases. And I am also aware that most rapes aren’t the stereotypical “bad man attacking a random woman in an alley as she walks home alone late at night.” But I’m tired of people treating rape as “other,” like it is completely different from all other violent crimes. If I were to try to convince the university that we shouldn’t have locks on dorm rooms and buildings because people shouldn’t steal or trespass, the administration would think I was nuts. Because in these matters of security, doing simple things like locking doors seems obvious to everyone. Even though theft shouldn’t happen, we have all recognized that there are bad people that commit theft every day, much like sexual assault. So why are women offended at the prospect of self-defense because they believe the responsibility should completely fall on men not raping? If learning to defend ourselves can help prevent us from being sexually assaulted, why isn’t that just as obvious as putting locks on doors?
Defending yourself also goes beyond the scope of women and sexual assault prevention. Anybody can be vulnerable to any violent crime, and when you’re in danger, there is no guarantee that someone will be there to help. In the rare chance that you actually have the ability to call the police while being attacked, the crucial minutes it could take for them to respond is enough time for someone to take everything you have, including your life.
Self-defense is a practical solution to protecting women from sexual assault. On a college campus, though, there are additional opportunities for sexual assault prevention. I therefore completely support methods of education where students are required to have conversations about assault and consent. I also believe that there should be strict punishments for students who commit these crimes— punishments that are more serious than the pathetic “expulsion after graduation” punishment enforced at James Madison University. But no matter how much we educate people, there will always be criminals, drunks, and bad decision makers that we will need to protect ourselves from.
Thankfully, I was only tortured by a bully as a kid. When I was able to show this bully that I could shift the power dynamic against him, I was left alone. Maybe we can teach bad people not to rape by showing them that we are strong enough to physically stop them from raping in the first place.