Constructions of Identity

I came into college with my hands completely empty; no baggage from who I was perceived to be in high school, no personal agenda to make the “right” friends, no urgency to establish my M.O. I was an architect with absolutely no complete blueprints to show—pieces, yes. Sketches, post-it notes, but nothing finished. And I was absolutely ecstatic about it. I did have a blueprint of myself in high school, but I knew it wasn’t quite right. STEM classes filled much of my perceived identity, as did leadership and tennis, but it often felt like these were the only windows built into my entire structure.

The promise of college is that whatever previous identity structure or plan that existed can be absolutely bulldozed. Though it sounds radical, this part of the transition is inevitable. As you pass your new classmates for the first time, they have no idea who you once were. Granted, a blank slate can be equally intimidating as it is exciting. But isn’t it a tremendous gift to finally try all of your could be’s? All of the ideas and inklings that kept you up at night? Walking through the activities fair, I could identify all of the organizations to which I had once devoted myself, and the notion that I could return to some and try thirty new ones was euphoric.

What I have realized throughout this fun run of identity seeking is that no matter what choices I make, there are parts of my identity that are constant. At the end of my pre-orientation program, each group member wrote affirmations for one another. Upon receiving mine, I saw words that my closest family members and friends have used on numerous occasions. Seeing the familiar words shed a little perspective on my new blueprint ideology – that I knew more about myself than I thought I did, and that not everything necessarily needs changing.

With that, I can confidently say that I have about 30% of that blueprint finished. There is still much brainstorming, drafting, and erasing that needs to be done, and I am excited. I’m scared. I know it’s okay to screw it up a little bit. But I’m ready for all of it.

Claire Wild ‘21 studies in the College of Arts & Sciences. She can be reached at clairewild@wustl.edu.