Serendipity

Look forward, Merry May, yes, now.

Last October, I got into the habit of chasing the setting sun. Riding my bike forward as fast as I could, I felt my fast punching heart, the speedy wind crossing through my hair, and the blurry sceneries I left behind. I fixed my eyes at the sunset, resisting to move away. The sunset moved closer and closer like a dolly-in shot.  I couldn’t help but think that nature was the best art created by God. I forgot about time, until night poured blue and black ink onto a light-blue paper. I gazed at the vanishing sunset and felt more confident about life. How I wished this beautiful scenery could last forever.

When the pandemic initially hit St. Louis, I found myself spending the Spring Break with my friend Sarah. We were worried about people coming back from different places outside the city after Spring Break then the second day, an email from our headmaster relieved our worry. Spring Break was extended; but new concern arose as we realized that we might need to rent a house before May.

In the first few quarantine days, I felt like I was living inside a comedic disaster movie filled with cheesy special-effects. I was stressed that I had not stored enough food for me to cook and ponder upon the question that “To wear or not to wear a mask? It’s a question.” I was scared that my immune system was weak, and every time I felt  something grumbling inside, I thought I was infected. I put my hands around my stomach, murmuring “My lung, oh my lung, are you OK?” I received hundreds and thousands pieces of information, and constantly took advice from online health professionals, my family and friends. 

They were as, or even more, panicked than I was. 

“Drink water every 15 minutes.” They said, “Wash your hands, and wipe  the surfaces around you with 75% alcohol wipes.” 

“Do you have enough vitamin C to take ?” They asked, “Enough N95 masks and rubber gloves?” 

“Don’t go out and meet people, will you?” They urged, “Just stay inside and I know you know how to be happy alone.”

Undoubtedly, there are many constraints in my life. I can’t ride my bike to go anywhere freely, but, what a big deal? Instead of riding my bike wandering about, I play ping pong inside. I can’t eat out with my friends, but I can still talk with them online. While seeing each other through screens, I can still feel our pumping hearts and the bright smile that radiate our love for each other. I have an unprecedented amount of free time, so I can focus on doing things that matter to me. I missed a friend who travelled to another country so, so much, and coincidentally enough, I met someone who shared  a similar soul with that old friend. We  talk for hours without noticing the passage of time.  I’ve even caught  up with my culinary skills and cooked him a feast after hearing some good news from his career. I am very lucky.

Several follow-up emails from Residential Life relieved my stress and my online-learning journey began. I like all of my classes, and I will keep liking them whether they are off  or online. I am fortunate enough to be madly in love with film analysis, and watching films with friends is a huge joy. I have also begun  to paint the changing sceneries outside my window in the study room, and I am amazed at the rare beauty I haven’t paid much attention to before. the pink blossoms burgeoned within one night, and during a first-year zoom class I was TAing, a guest speaker asked everyone to look around. I looked up, and the riot of pink colors mixed with light green brightened my heart. It was breathtakingly beautiful. Beautiful because of the coming spring. Breathtaking because of my ignorance of its bloom.  

There is a large green lawn outside my dorm that I haven’t gotten time to enjoy. It reflects glistening lights when it is sunny. It is an immense playground for carefree kids who are no longer concerned about being physically restricted. I often lie down inside one of the green chairs to read, relax, and reminiscence. My mind is set free, travelling to the edge of the universe. Roy. T Bennett once said that “Nothing can disturb your peace of mind unless you allow it to.” What is the better way to get through the uncharted waters? To recognize one’s spiritual needs and care for one’s soul. By comprehending the fear and concerns one has, and avoiding thinking too negatively,  one can gradually maintain a peaceful balance inside again. 

Last semester as a “fresh sophomore”, I once mocked at the term “sophomore”, saying it meant “suffer-more.” Now, I don’t think I suffer. The situation is tough, but I can adjust my mindset to look at the bright side. 

Focus on the present, Merry May, yes, now.