By Kate Dickman
Artwork by Mingyi Suo, Staff Artist

Clearly, we are going through a crisis. At this point, we have been in this pandemic for nearly two years. Nobody could have imagined what would happen to our society in these two years. Maybe more importantly, however, nobody could have imagined that we would still be here; that we wouldn’t have returned to normalcy by now. As a college student, I find myself rationalizing my experience here at WashU. That my experience is “the new normal” and that I’m not missing out on anything. Oftentimes, however, I tend to look back, wondering what could have been. Moreover, I think that many of us look to the past to feel better about our present situation. We love to reminisce, and that is not abnormal. I, for example, love to rewatch Harry Potter movies and relive the days when I would wave around a fake wand and imagine that I was casting spells against Voldemort himself. Reaching towards the past and feeling sentimental is normal. In doing so, we allow ourselves to relive moments from the past over and over again. We once again get to feel the warm, happy memories from our childhoods envelop us and wish that things could go back to the way they were, before we got old.

I have to wonder, however, why I keep looking towards the past if I am supposed to be in the best years of my life? I didn’t like high school, yet I find myself remembering all the best times from those four miserable years. I remember the times we would drive around for hours, roam through the streets of Milwaukee, eat in crappy and cheap restaurants without masks, and I yearn for them. I don’t think, though, that it is these experiences I am nostalgic about. I’ll repeat myself: I did not enjoy high school. Rather, I am reaching back towards these memories of feeling free. I was 17, with my own car, little parental oversight, and my whole life in front of me. I was free in all the ways that counted.

Freedom feels fleeting in my life now. Yes, I can get in my car and get dinner, but I cannot eat inside the restaurant. Yes, I can go to school, but not without wearing a mask. These restrictions are important, and all of us should continue to do them. But one cannot help but miss the days where we could go wherever we wanted without fearing for our own health, and the health of our loved ones.

So, we live in the past, and relive the days when life felt easy, effortless, and safe. But I have to ask, is this good for us? Are we shielding ourselves from reality by cowering behind nostalgic memories? Is living in the past holding us back from living in the present?

During this pandemic, “nostalgia serves as a kind of emotional pacifier, helping us to become accustomed to a new reality that is jarring, stressful and traumatic” (NYT). Many of us, without realizing it, use nostalgia as a coping mechanism. When we get stressed, sad, angry, or lonely, we like to transport ourselves to a time when we felt happy, free, and connected to our families and friends. Certainly, many of us feel these feelings of uncertainty in our normal lives. We struggle with school, family, friends, etc. on a normal daily basis. However, there is no doubt that the pandemic has exacerbated these feelings of uncertainty.

For months, we were locked in our homes, either alone or with family. Cooped up for months on end, with no idea of when or how we would be able to leave. For many of us, we saw a rebirth of nostalgia as a coping mechanism. No longer was this feeling fleeting. Now, in this pandemic era, it is a constant. We are, more so than ever before, looking into the past.

But now, in my opinion, we must shift our focus. We must look not into the past, but into the future. More importantly, we must learn to live in the moment. We have to learn how to enjoy our lives as they are, even if it doesn’t seem as easy as it could be.

Yes, it’s difficult. But life is difficult. We, as a society and as individuals, must undergo a rebirth in perspective. Living in the past is not an answer – the only option is to move forward. For me, I like to focus on what I have gained since the pandemic started: friends, new passions, and so much growth as an individual. All these things I love and value – would they have been possible without the pandemic? Although we have clearly lost a lot, it is clear that we have gained things along the way.